“You could get an hourglass body, you do...

“You could get an hourglass body, you do...

Audio by Paper2Audio

“You could get an hourglass body, you don't even have to work out!” My Co-Worker Clair said as she pointed to the infamous phrase shop.

“Yeah but I really should keep an honest figure, I represent women at the salon I work at. I don't want them to think I cheat my way to look good.” I said willingly as I stared at Clair's perfectly curved hips.

“You're such a goody two shoes! Just always remember that that phrase shop is at your service.” Clair said in her usual work voice.

“If it comes down to it, I'll think about it” I said as I hugged her then we parted ways. I've been struggling to build fat around my hips and chest naturally ever since I was in high school. I wanted to look good for myself and not be mistaken for a guy again.

I have short hair and defined features. I'm skinny, but not boney, just close to the build of that of a man while being a woman.

I went to my salon the next day and as customers started walking in, a teenager with her friends barged in and declared she wanted red hair. This always goes to be a very bad choice or a very good one, I let her gamble.

“Hello, what would you like today?” I asked politely

“I want to dye my hair red. How much would that be?” the girl said snobbly

“140 dollars please. You could get seated on chair 4 while I prep the materials” I replied

“You're going to do my hair? I prefer a female doing my hair, sorry” The girl said unapologetically.

“I am a woman” I nervously chuckled.

“A biological woman, please. You clearly don't like one. I'm not here to argue” said the girl impatiently.

“I am-”

no just I want A different person please!” she snapped. Her voice rang throughout the entire salon.

My co-worker came over quickly to the girl and mouthed “sorry” to me. I was sick of it. Sick of people misgendering me, sick of people belittling, just so sick of this body. I found myself bolting to the phrase shop.

“Hello, welcome to the phrase shop, what phrase is on your mind today” The worker said happily

“Body. I want the 1980 body phrase” I said breathlessly, in desperation.

“One body phrase coming right up! That would be free for you, love” The guy said with a wink.

“Thanks” I snatched it and got out of there as soon as I got a hold of the card in the box. I don't owe this guy anything, even if he gave me a freebie.

I opened it in the salon's back alley way and it looked like any other card in the world, I flipped it over to see a shiny mirror-like card. I could see a bit of my face in it too, but the words stood clearly printed in the middle of the card. It read:

“Anyone would kill for an it body, you would, too. Find and eliminate Hanna Seo.” killing innocent for the sake of myself, I thought. I left the card in my bag and after a couple of weeks, I forgot about it.

I thought not doing the phrase was a good moral move on my part, but I found myself being worn down by the endless comments about how unwomanly I am in this body. In this age, the year of 1980, everyone had a one way look for how a woman should look, the rules applied for me, too.

As I was crying in the bathroom after being ridiculed by a customer, the body phrase card slipped out of my bag.

I began my search the next day, I asked to have a 3 month break from my job. I placed posters everywhere. Looking for this Hanna Seo woman everywhere, giving rewards for those who find her. But no matter what it didn't seem to work, at all. I put off what I would do after I would actually find her.

I would go around in shops, in malls, in the street, knocking from home to home, barely sleeping, hoping I would find the slightest thing remotely about her but after a week of searching, I was left with nothing.

I laid on the bench, hopelessly crying, trying to hide my face but clearly my efforts were few-tul as a girl with high heels click clacked and sat next to me on the bench, patting me. She waited until I stopped crying completely. I wiped my tears with my sleeves then she offered me her handkerchief.

“I know how you feel. But you should never go through whatever you are going through alone.” She comforted me. She stayed silent for a moment, then she asked:

“May I ask what happened? Maybe I could help you.” She said softly

“I'm trying to find a person.” I didn't want to tell her I wanted to find that person out of my own greed.

“Whose that?” she asked

“Hanna seo. I need to find her for something.” I replied. There was a pause before she began speaking again.

“I'm sorry I can't do that for you, whatever you have with other people's business I cannot help with, I don't want to be involved, but I do wish you the best of luck, Goodbye” She stood up quickly but I grabbed her wrist.

“Please.I haven't had a normal conversation with a person in so long. Please stay for a little.” I pleaded

“I can tell you why I need her if you help me find her first” I baited her.

“I'm sorry but I'm not really interested in your affairs with other people.” She snatched her wrist away. I quickly took it again, firmly.

“please, please I desperately need her its very important, look for her with me for a month then I'll let you go, I promise. If you don't accept this I'll follow you everywhere you go” I was yelling at that point. I must have gone crazy.

“Do you take me for a fool? What are you doing? I'll call the police!” The woman barked back, but she stopped her sentence abruptly at the mention of the police. She looked at me for what felt like forever then she asked,

“You will be paying me for helping you out, correct?” She says, her eye lenses gliding ever so slightly.

“Yes! Yes. I will. How does a thousand bucks a week sound?” I offered.

“Two thousand.” She countered.

“Deal! My name is Lara Gordson and I'm happy to be working with you” I reached out for a handshake, and she took it.

The next day, my new friend Kim and I went to hunt for Hanna Seo. Kim suggested we look into areas where it isn't easy to find someone, like an amusement park. We agreed and brought tickets to the park, it was expensive, but I would do whatever I could to get this body. We looked cautiously for the first hour then we decided to take a break on the bench.

“We can't find her.” I admitted.

“We only explored one third of the park. I think it's good to not waste the money we spend on this amusement park and get on some rides.” Kim suggested

I liked that idea, I've been putting it off but I think maybe we'll find Hanna Seo on the line or on our ride by coincidence. So we went to try the “Monster” roller coaster ride.

I was the loudest on that ride while Kim was all smiley and with glee.

“How do people like this stuff? This is deadly!” I exclaimed.

“You just don't see the bigger picture!” Kim chuckled.

“If you go on another ride with me, I'll consider allowing a 500 dollar cut on my paycheck this week.” Kim baited.

“Alright Bet! I could do this, I'm not scared” I said confidently. That arrogant attitude immediately got crushed when I got nauseous on the Faroah's boat ride, on the chair swings in the air, and on the Frisbee ride. All that while Kim seemed as nonchalant as ever. It's as if I'm paying her to watch me suffer. It's insane. But it was satisfying to watch her so happy, after our bad first encounter. We sat down on the bench after I pleaded with her for what seemed like a thousand times. She sat down next to me and offered me some water.

“How was that for a hit?” She laughed shamelessly at me.

“It wasn't that bad, it was just that I ate too much before I came here. That's why.” I chuckled. Then the realization hit me as I sprung up from the bench.

“Hanna Seo! Hanna Seo, Kim! We forgot to search for her.” I cried.

“Relax, you don't know anything about her but her name. How are you going to find someone only from their name?” Kim asked smugly.

I froze. I looked at her and then she burst out laughing.

“Hey, that's not funny! I was just too caught up into..” and then it hit me the times when I got ridiculed and belittled because of my figure. I was so focused on solving my own problem that I forgot the basics of finding someone first.

“Just sit down, relax, we could look for her tomorrow.” Kim assured me.

“Let's just go home. I need to gather myself together.” I said as I buried my head in my hands.

“Clearly you need some rest.” Kim said as she led me to my car and we drove home silently. As we neared our destination, I was thinking of surprising Kim with a picture of Hanna Seo that I plan to get from the police station. I would just say that my dear friend went missing and I need pictures of her so that I could ask around for her. I felt like a genius.

I turned to Kim as I pulled into her apartment complex.

“Why are you smiling so hard?” She asked me.

“Nothing, you'll find out tomorrow. I'll pick you up at 3 in the afternoon. Goodnight now.” I gave her a nod to give my goodbyes but she went for a hug. I used to hug my friends but ever since I gave a girl the wrong idea, I stopped doing the hugging thing.

“Goodnight, Lara.” She said as she broke out from the hug.

“Night, stay safe.” I gave her a warm smile before I drove off. I really miss giving hugs to my friends.

The next morning at around 9, I reached the police station.

“Hello I'm trying to find a person named Hanna Seo.” I asked sheepishly.

“What are you to that person ma'am?” The front desk lady asked.

“She's someone I know of.” I answered hesitantly. I didn't want to say friend because I wouldn't hunt down my friend to kill them for my own gains.

“That person is on the run, we're currently trying to find them. Their posters will be up next week when they are all printed from the printing center.” The lady said and rotated her chair away from me to continue her paper work on her desk.

“Is there any way I could get these prints earlier? It's urgent. Please” I pleaded.

“One week, if you don't like it I could call the police and they could deal with you.” She said, a little aggressively now.

I rushed out of there, frustrated with this rude lady as I headed to Kim's house. I could use a friend right now.

I knocked on her door and she opened. She was wearing a face mask and a bathroom robe.

“Hey Lara!” She said but her sentence cut short as I lunged to hug her.

“People are so mean.” I said into her shoulder.

“There, there, come inside.” She said as she patted me on the back.

I made my way to the sofa as she got out of the room she was changing in. She was now wearing dinosaur pajamas. It made me chuckle a little bit.

“What's so funny?” She asked as she looked down at herself, she then laughed at herself.

“If that makes you happy, I guess. So tell me, what's gotten you so upset that you were crying on the way here?” Kim asked as she sat next to me on the sofa. I brought my knees to my chest and started sobbing. I hated how everyone treated me in this town.

I hated how they saw me as something even less than a human being. I just hated how this body looks even more.

“I get hated on and belittled just for the way I look.” My voice cracked as I said the last bit of my words. Kim let a few seconds pass before she began speaking:

“Is it because of your body?” She asked with no shame, but there was no aggressiveness or pity in her voice. I nodded, and just as I thought Kim was about to give up on me and lecture me about how I shouldn't care about other people's opinions she said,

“I think your body is the most beautiful one a woman could have.” She said, without even stammering.

I looked up at her, she continued speaking:

“You're tall, you're lean, and you have a strong build. Many women and men would kill for that body.” She said softly, even the last bit of her words.

“Yeah, people who have something wrong with their heads!” I sounded a little more aggressive than I had intended to.

“So I have something wrong with my head, Lara?” She inched closer, I could see her lenses going off her iris.

“Would you kill for a body like mine?” I asked, completely shocked. “But look at you! You have the most beautiful body a girl could ever ask for, it shows even when your clothed. Your figure is incomparable.”

She stood up and started making two cups of tea.

“I've been harassed and even almost sexually assaulted because of the same figure you wish to have, Lara. Having my figure wouldn't make your life any better.” She said quietly, but I could still hear her.

“Everytime I look at you, you look invincible. You look like you just dropped from the clouds.” She chuckled to herself.

I stayed until she brought the tea over to me and I held it in my hands, staring at my reflection in the cup.

“Drink up, beauty.” She said as she grazed my chin.

I drank. I then decided it's better to stay at Kim's house for a week then decide whether or not I want to continue my search when I saw that poster. The week I spent at Kim's was peaceful. We spent many late night talks asking each other would you rather ask questions?

What would you do if you have questions, and just talk about boys in general. She would tell me goodnight, and I would tell her goodnight back. It was surprising to me that she let me stay for a week at her house, but I guess her loneliness allowed a plus one person there, and I'm glad it did. She didn't even ask about her weekly money, which was a good thing.

The day the posters came out, I didn't tell Kim. From out the window, I could see police putting up posters of a person I couldn't really make out from the fourth floor of her building. I don't have amazing eye vision, so I asked Kim repeatedly to go outside, and go search for Hanna Seo in the park, or the grocery store. Kim paused to look straight at me:

“You are still looking for her? Just forget about her already! I already told you, you are just fine the way you are!” Her voice rose the more she spoke.

“I know, but your views won't change my reality! People still think I'm an ill-built woman and I'm tired of being belittled everyday!” I yelled at her as I grabbed my jacket.

“I'll come with you” Kim grabbed my wrist as she grabbed her keys from the table.

“Wait right here, I need to talk to the landlord downstairs.” She said before rushing down the stairs, and I waited there like an idiot for what seemed to be like 20 whole minutes. As my patience was running thin, Kim came up to me, panting like she had just ran a marathon.

“Are you okay? What happened?” I asked her as I grabbed her by the shoulder.

“Nothing, Nothing, I just wanted to come up to you as fast as possible. It is still four flights of stairs and I'm not that athletic. Sorry the conversation took so long.” She said as she gave me a hug and panted over my shoulder. I waited for her heartbeat to calm down then we started going on our way to the grocery store.

We traveled through the streets, and I was looking for any signs of the posters but there was none. Was I imagining the posters? Was my vision so weak that it tricked me into thinking there were posters when there was none?

“Weird. There were posters here from when I looked out the window this morning.” I voiced my concern to Kim.

“Posters? What are you talking about Lara? Let's go get some groceries, and ask for that girl while we're at it.” She said as she calmly walked through the door, picked out her groceries, asked a very brief question about Hanna Seo, and then got out with no information.

“Maybe their printers got delayed, that's why they're not handing the posters out.” I said, making theories.

“Yeah, maybe. Well anywho, are you excited to make some pasta for dinner?” She said excitedly, already deciding for me to stay at her house this evening.

“Yeah, of course,” I said, distracted.

After we ate our pasta, talked, and laughed, Kim eventually got tired and went to sleep. However, I was very restless that night. I couldn't sleep at all, even though Kim offered to stay overnight at her house.

I stood up, making sure I made no sound at all, and went to the police station to get a look at the poster that has been consuming my mind ever since this morning. As I stepped into the police station, the police officer turned to me tiredly. I looked at a poster on the wall, it was captioned, “Hanna Seo, wanted for dictatorship over families in Fregaro Town.” Fregaro town was a very poor town, I thought to myself, but that wasn't the main point. I looked at the picture of the woman who hung above the caption and found myself on the floor, clutching my pearls.

“Please.” I looked at the police officer, who looked at me like I had three heads.

“Please, do you have an extra copy of that poster? I want to take a closer look.” I stammered. With trembling hands I took the picture and rushed outside the police station, under a headlight to get better lighting, my hands trembled and before I knew it, my tears were staining the paper, falling on the woman's cheek in the picture. No. I thought to myself. This woman has different hair and eye color than Kim. It can't be I repeated to myself

I shoved the paper into my pocket as I ran home to Kim's house. No, it has to be her twin. Or someone who really looks like Kim. I really can't be fooled by some hair dye and eye color lenses, I've been working in this industry for way too long to fall for this “new person” trick. Yes, it has to be her twin. Please, be her twin.

I entered quietly through Kim's door. Kim was waiting for me at the kitchen table as I walked sluggishly to the sofa.

“Where were you?” Kim said softly.

“Do you have a twin, Kim?” I asked, ignoring her question.

“No.” She directly. She sounded daring.

I couldn't help it. I started sobbing.

“Aren't I supposed to be the one crying here? I'm about to get killed.” Kim, who I now know is Hanna Seo, kept talking in the therapist's voice.

“Stop! Just stop it!” I sprung from my sofa and lunged at her.

“You aren't any different from the people you hate so much Lara. You want something from me because of my body, you aren't any different from them.” Hanna said as she unwaveringly looked into my eyes.

“You deceived me! You deceived me and kept playing along as if you were playing with a stupid toy. I'm not like them, you are, you are the worst thing that happened to me. You are worse than these people who belittle and look over me. I thought you were my friend! I thought I would finally have a real connection with someone.” My voice cracked as I spoke to her.

“So, I'm right here. Kill me. You'll get this body that you have longed for.” She said, confidently.

I looked at her for a few more seconds before I shoved her to the ground.

“I hate you. I hate you so much I could die.” I said before slamming the door shut behind me. I never wanted to see her ever again. Forget about this stupid body, I need to settle down myself.

I went back two days earlier than my break was supposed to end at the salon. My body was the least of my worries as I stood at the cashier counter counting our money and dividing it equally.

“What happened, Lara? Why are you looking so glum?” Clair asked me.

“Nothing, I'm just trying to recover from something, so can we get into dye training?” I asked her, giving her a weak smile.

“Yes, of course, she patted me on the back as she led me to the salon training room.

I did this salon therapy for about 5 weeks until I started to feel a bit better about myself. I started giving myself room to start going on dates with guys, and even enjoyed their company at my house, but we didn't really do much since I was just trying to find someone who is a good match for me, and none of them were. Hanna Seo still comes to my mind from now and then, but not as someone I want to kill for a body, but rather a friend that I cherished, but I didn't dare remember what caused our friendship to end, because if I do, I'll end up crying myself to sleep again. For the tenth time now.

I went to the bar again to try to meet my soulmate. I really hate myself for coming here again, I lost count of how many times I came here. I met this guy who was quite handsome and sat at his empty table.

“Hey.” He initiated.

“Hi. Why are you sitting alone?” I asked

“People think I'm weird.” He said.

“You're not the only one.” I said and we both chuckled. We talked for about 10 minutes until I figured out that this guy is a complete weirdo and is a sex crazed guy.

“I'm sorry it's quite late and I 'll have to excuse myself.” I stood out of my seat

“It's not that late. I could come over and we could chat some more if you are in a hurry” He looked me up and down.

“No, no it's fine I promise. I have a really upset stomach. I'm scared I'll throw up on you if I stay chatting any longer.” I gave a weak smile while rubbing my belly. My stomach didn't really hurt but I wanted to get myself out of this situation. When I was collecting my stuff, the guy glared at me and didn't say anything even when I said my goodbyes.

I felt uneasy the whole walk home and I was very cold and I left my car in the garage. As I approached my apartment door, I heard quick footsteps followed by heavy panting. I looked behind me and saw the same crazy guy at the bar, his face half lit by the street light and cold breath coming out of its mouth and he froze right in front of me.

“You have one last chance to either end our date on a good note or a bad one.” He said as he pulled out a gun slowly from behind him. I can't believe this. This is how I die, huh? I should've never sat with this guy, I should've never gone to the bar, I should've never gone to the police station, I should've never gone to that stupid, dumb phrase shop.

There was a big thud on the ground that snapped me out of it. I didn't realize I was crying again until I clasped my hands to my mouth. The guy was suddenly on the ground, there was a tissue to his mouth and he seemed unconscious.

“Lara.” A soft woman's voice said, standing in the darkness. I didn't need to see her face to know it was Hanna Seo, but I was so relieved as so furious at the same time.

“What the hell are you doing here? You know how much danger you could've subjected yourself to?” I barked at her.

She smiled as she said “could we at least bring this guy over to the police station?” She asked innocently.

Hanna was about to rush to the police station, but I grabbed her wrist angrily.

“Are you trying to get arrested? How dumb can you be? I'm the victim. I'll report it. You stay here until I come back and you tell me how you came to be here.” I said and rushed down the street to report the incident. The guy was gone from my front door in less than 10 minutes. The police station said they'll call me for questioning in the morning.

I went back quietly to my home, not allowing myself to think anything until I opened the door and told Hanna to come in. She didn't even hesitate, that dumb idiot.

“What if I just killed you right here right now?” I asked her.

“Then do that. If it would make you hate me any less.” Hanna said quietly.

“How did you know this guy was after me?” I asked

“I have been stalking you ever since you left my home.” She said confidently. I was about to lash out on her until she spoke again.

“Let me speak. Please, Lara. The first time I met you, I thought it was a good idea to be safe by sticking next to you while you hopelessly look for Hanna Seo who was in reality next to you the whole time. Over time, though, I realized how relaxed I felt sleeping, talking, eating and even breathing next to you. Even though you were planning to kill me even after you found out I was the person you were looking for. You accepted me like I was a part of you. I became greedy and wanted you to stay by my side as my only friend and family I have. Yet I didn't think about how much stuff I've been hiding from you.

I didn't realize it would end this way. So please accept me like you did before, not as Kim but as Hanna seo, the runaway idiot who is yet to tell you what the hell she did in the other town.” She said, and then suddenly she broke down crying.

I walked over slowly to hug her. The phrase shop, mean people, and that guy could all go to hell. I will accept this body whether I like it or not. I don't have to go out of my way to please other people. I don't need to please them if they belittle me for my body. I can't please everyone. And I won't. People who accept me as who I am would get my love and embrace, but people who don't have no place in my life. Hanna Seo has a place in my life.

“I'm sorry Lara.” She buried her face into my neck. I could feel her lashes grazing the skin of my neck.

“I'll forgive you as long as you tell me what you did in the other town and talk with me until you fall asleep.” I chuckled. She laughed.

“I will. I will” she repeated again and again. She didn't break the hug until it was time to go to bed. I let her take the bed and I took the floor. We decided we would live a very quiet life until Hanna Seo's case turned cold, and it did. After five whole months, Hanna explained to me that she was rich in her old town, but she didn't know that the people who worked under her were stealing money from the poor and taxing them until their children had to work under harsh conditions to pay for their taxes.

Or else, they'll get beat. Hanna said she had to run away from the people who were trying to burn down her office and overthrow her. She took all the blame and now she's on the run.

I suggested to Hanna that though it's not her fault, she had to do something regarding the poor families that got affected.

“Give them their money back.” I suggested

“How? Its all..” She took a long pause before she spoke again.

“You're a genius, Lara! I could send the money I got and even give my wealth to help them out! I was running out of space to store my gold anyways in my apartment” She exclaimed.

“You have gold in your apartment? I never noticed!” I was taken aback by surprise.

“Yeah, it wasn't in the apartment I lived in, it occupied the other floors too. The other apartments are full of wealth. That's why the apartment complex I was at was always so quiet. I had no neighbors. There was no landlord to begin with, I'm sorry I lied to you, I was trying to buy some time to take down the posters.” She said looking guilty.

I stared at her blankly, then burst out laughing.

“You know what, okay, but now you have to give back people's money. I'll help.” I said happily.

“Thank you so much Lara, you truly are the best. Please don't ever leave me, like seriously, I'm not joking, you're the only friend and family I have.” She smiled softly but she also looked at me with worry as she patiently waited for my response. I smiled at her,

“I won't leave you, I promise,”

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