THE SITCOM
by Unattributed
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the sitcom
Episode 8: "Rangu Ekkuva, Helmet Ledu"
== Cold Open - Mugguru ==
5 panels engine: the Honda Shine, overloaded
greater than
E.X.T. Hyderahbad / on the Road - Night
[C.1] 8 a.m. The lane. Three men on one Honda Shine, going
nowhere fast - Anudeep driving, because he is the only one
anybody trusts to; Kicha wedged forward on the fuel tank
rod, knees up round his ears; Suraj on the pillion, taking
up two men's worth of space and entirely unbothered by that
fact.
No helmets. Not one.
[C.2] Kicha, crushed, jabs backwards with an elbow into
Suraj's ribs.
KICHA
Rey. Mundhuku jaru.
[C.3] And Suraj - a man nobody has ever discovered this
about - jackknifes. Entire body. Enormous, undignified,
involuntary.
S.F.X: Hyaa-
Beat. Kicha's head turns very slowly. He has just been
handed something.
[C.4] He does it again. With intent. With both hands.
Suraj folds in half, shrieking, at eight in the morning, on
a moving vehicle, in a residential lane.
Anudeep
Rey- Rey-
[C.5] Ninety kilos of Suraj goes sideways and the scooter
goes with it.
S.F.X: THMP - skrrrt - clang
Wide. The Honda Shine on its side in the lane. Anudeep
standing over it, absolutely still, looking down at the two
of them with the face of a man who has just understood his
life.
And on the ground - Suraj and Kicha, flat on their backs,
laughing so hard neither can speak. Kicha with one long
scratch down his forearm, bleeding slightly, which he has
not noticed and will not notice for another four hours.
Narrator (V.O.)
Rangu Ekkuva, Helmet Ledu
I.N.T. Boys H.Q - Morning
[1] Boys H.Q, morning, the day after the cold open. The
recurring wide. Kicha and Suraj already dressed and
vibrating. Anudeep at the table with a coffee and both feet
planted, wearing the specific face of a man who is about to
say no.
[2]
Suraj
Bandi ekku.
Anudeep
Ledu.
KICHA
Enduku ledu?
Anudeep
(one word, and it is the whole of yesterday)
Ninna.
[3] Suraj opens his mouth to argue and cannot, because he
was there, on the ground, laughing, and it was his ribs
that did it.
[4] Kicha, undeterred, produces a phone and calls the one
person who can make a plan happen.
KICHA
Aish ki call chey.
I.N.T./E.X.T. the Balcony - Night
[5] Aishwarya over the rail thirty seconds later, already
suspicious, holding her own coffee.
Aishwarya
Enti plan?
Suraj
Plan ledu. Just… bayataki veldam.
Aishwarya
(not buying a word of it) Sare. Paatha
battalu veskondi.
[6] A beat. Three men look at each other.
E.X.T. Hyderahbad / on the Road - Day
[7] And it lands on all of them at once - the water drums
in the lane yesterday, the paper packets, Padma Aunty's
suspicion.
KICHA
…ee roju Holi ra.
Suraj
Holi Ra-
[8] Anudeep, quietly, already regretting being awake:
Anudeep
Nenu radhu.
Everyone
(not even looking at him) Vasthav.
[9] The lane. The four of them heading out, Suraj with a
bag of colour, Kicha with a bag of water balloons,
Aishwarya with the expression of a chaperone.
[10] the Plan - Kicha's, announced with full ceremony:
KICHA
Pinky intiki veldam. Daanini kindaki
pilustamu. Prathi okkariki oka balloon.
Suraj
Enduku Pinky?
KICHA
Endukante adi manalni roju office ki
teesukelthundi. Ee roju manam daanini
thadupudam.
[11] (⭐ The rivalry and the carpool, in one line. She
drives them to work because their shifts are odd and she
has a car. Today they are going to get her back for the
privilege.)
[12] Anudeep, trailing, holding his one assigned water
balloon at arm's length like it is a live thing.
[13] Pinky's building. The four of them below her window.
Kicha cups his hands.
KICHA
Pinky! Kindaki ra!
[14] A pause. Then Pinky at the window - and she does not
look annoyed. She looks delighted, which should worry them
and does not.
Pinky
Vasthunna!
[15] The four of them fan out below, balloons ready, a
firing squad in old clothes, absurdly pleased with
themselves.
[16] She comes out of the door. She is completely dry,
completely calm, and she does not break stride.
I.N.T./E.X.T. the Building - Day
[17] the Ambush - reversed. As Pinky steps clear, eight
colony kids rise from behind the parked cars, the compound
wall, the stairwell, every one of them armed.
[18] Pinky, walking calmly through the middle of her own
trap:
Pinky
Pillalu. Ippudu.
[19] Wide. All four of them - Suraj, Kicha, Aishwarya and
Anudeep - drenched from eight directions at once. Colour,
water, powder, the works. Total, comprehensive,
pre-arranged annihilation.
S.F.X: Spladoosh
[20] Pinky, dry, in the eye of it, to Kicha specifically:
Pinky
Nenu ninna plan chesanu ra. Meeru ee roju
plan chesaru.
Pinky
Adi difference.
[21] And Anudeep - hit, dripping, pink and green and
furious - does the one thing he has been threatening to do
since he woke up. He steps out of it.
[22]
Anudeep
Naaku face I.D undi ra.
Suraj
Enti?
Anudeep
Biometrics. Interview mundu. Naaku rangu
vaddu. Naa mukham clean ga undali.
[23] Nobody believes a word of it, because it is being said
by a man covered head to toe in colour, which undercuts the
argument somewhat.
KICHA
Vaadu drama chesthunnadu.
Suraj
Vaadi mukham anni roju la ne untundi ra.
Anudeep
(with enormous dignity, dripping) Adi
biometric vishayam. Meeku ardham kaadu.
[24] He turns to walk away. Clean exit. The moral high
ground, retreating.
[25] ⭐ the Mistake. The kids - who were briefed by Pinky,
who were shown a photo, who have one special instruction -
see a tall figure walking away and match it to the picture.
Kid
Suraj Anna Ippudu-
[26] (⭐ The special instruction was for Suraj. They have
the wrong man. Anudeep is exactly Suraj's height from
behind and they cannot see the specs from here.)
[27] the Special Payload. Not balloons. Two full buckets,
held between four kids each, saved for one target, deployed
on the wrong one.
S.F.X: Sploosh
[28] Anudeep. Completely. Utterly. From the crown of his
head down. More colour than the other three combined. He
does not move for one full panel.
[29] He turns around, very slowly, and finds Pinky.
[30] ⭐ And he gives her a look of pure, articulate disgust
- the single most expressive thing this careful, polite man
does in the entire season, and he does it wearing four
kilos of blue.
Pinky, for the first time all morning, looks slightly less
pleased with herself.
[31] Aishwarya cuts in, all business, grabbing Anudeep by a
dripping sleeve.
Aishwarya
Randi. Ee rangu ventane teeyali, lekapothe
week untundi.
Aishwarya
Naa intiki kaadu - Jay intiki. Adi daggara.
[32] And she hauls him away, up toward the building, toward
the top floor.
the Split. From here the episode runs two rooms.
E.X.T. Hyderahbad / on the Road - Day
[33] Room One - the lane. Pinky, Suraj and Kicha, the three
of them left behind, and the mood curdles from ambush into
something warmer, because getting soaked together is the
fastest friendship there is.
Suraj
Idi nee plan ninna nunche undi kada.
Pinky
(finally admitting it, delighted) Moodu
vaaralu nunchi.
[34] Kicha, examining his own balloon, which is heavier
than a water balloon should be.
KICHA
Idi enti ra. Idi baruvu.
[35] He bites the knot off. It is not water. The three of
them look into it, then at each other.
[36] They cut all three balloons open into one steel
tumbler and share it, sitting on the compound wall, at nine
in the morning, and the day tilts sideways from here -
drawn, never stated.
I.N.T. Boys H.Q - Day
[37] Room Two - Jay's penthouse. Anudeep at the bathroom
tap, blue to the elbows, scrubbing, getting nowhere. Jay in
the doorway with two coffees, having asked no questions.
E.X.T. Hyderahbad / on the Road - Day
[38] Wide, still, quiet - the contrast with the lane should
be total. Cool tile, running water, one calm man.
Jay
Adi vaaram untundi.
Anudeep
(scrubbing harder) Naaku biometrics undi ra.
Jay
(beat) Eppudu?
Anudeep
(pause - because he does not actually know
the date yet) …tarvata.
Jay
Appudu parledu.
[39] ⭐ And Jay says the only real thing anyone says all
episode, sideways, not looking at him, exactly as he will
in Ep 10:
Jay
Rangu poddi. Nuvvu bhayapadedi rangu kaadu
ra.
Jay
Nuvvu bhayapadedi - idi antha temporary ani
nuvve nammali anukuntunnav. Adi poddi.
[40] Anudeep stops scrubbing for one panel.
[41] Room One, escalating. The three on the wall are now,
unmistakably and unstatedly, altered. Suraj is negotiating
with a stray dog. Kicha is filming the sky.
[42] And Pinky - the sober one, the planner, watching her
two colleagues come apart - gets an idea that is a terrible
idea and is going to be very funny.
[43] She produces the last of her own colour. Blue. All of
it.
Pinky
Rendu monkeys. Meeru naaku roju trouble
istaru.
Pinky
Ee roju - nenu.
[44] She paints them. Both. Comprehensively. They let her,
because they are in no condition to prevent anything and
they think it is the funniest thing that has ever happened,
which, to be fair, it is.
[45] Suraj and Kicha, now evenly and completely blue - the
Avatar-blue from the header photo - decide, with the
confidence of the truly gone, to ride home.
[46] There are two helmets on the bike. They leave both on
the wall. (⭐ The cold open, paid: three men, no helmets, on
the ground by eight. Now two blue men, no helmets, at ten.)
[47] And Pinky, watching them wobble off, does the
responsible thing and the funny thing at the same time -
she takes out her phone.
[48] ⭐ (⭐ Per canon: no real arrest, no antagonist. She
calls the local constable she knows from the crime beat - a
professional contact - and reports "two blue men, no
helmets" as a prank tip, the way colleagues wind each other
up. She is not trying to get them arrested. She is trying
to get them stopped, which is the responsible read, dressed
as the funny one.)
Pinky
(on the phone, entirely sweet) Constable
garu. Rendu neela rangu manushulu. Helmet
ledu. Meeku research kavali anukunta.
[49] the Stop. A junction. The constable - nineteen years,
a receipt book, no interest in anything - steps out and
raises one hand at two blue men on a helmetless bike.
Constable
Helmet ledu.
[50] Neither of them hears the offence. Because both,
independently, in the same half-second, have concluded they
are being arrested for what is in the tumbler.
Suraj
Sir- sir nenu rendu matrame-
KICHA
Naaku telusu sir, tappu, vaadu ichadu naaku-
Suraj
Nenu Ichana?!
[51] The constable, who has no idea what they are
confessing to and does not want to know, waits nineteen
years' worth of a beat.
Constable
Vey nooru. Helmet ki.
[52]
Suraj
(very small) …helmet ki aa?
Constable
(tearing the challan) Ekkuva kavala?
I.N.T./E.X.T. the Building - Day
[53] Room Two, resolving. Jay's balcony. Anudeep, mostly
clean now, one blue ear he cannot reach, wrapped in a
borrowed towel, drinking the coffee.
E.X.T. Hyderahbad / on the Road - Day
[54] He looks down over the rail - and sees, in the lane
below, two blue men coming home on foot pushing a bike, and
a challan.
[55] He does not go down. He watches. For the first time
all day he is not the most ridiculous person in the frame,
and something in him settles.
Anudeep
(to Jay, quietly) Vaallu neela ga unnaru.
Jay
Haan.
Anudeep
Enduku?
Jay
Adi… ala ne untundi ra. Holi.
I.N.T. Boys H.Q - Evening
[56] The flat, evening. All of them, cleaned up as much as
anyone can be. Suraj and Kicha still faintly, permanently
blue. Anudeep with the one blue ear.
[57] the Face Massage. Somebody's aunty remedy - cucumber,
curd, something green - and the three of them flat on the
floor in a row while Aishwarya supervises with total
contempt.
[58]
KICHA
Idi poddha?
Aishwarya
Rangu aa? Poddi.
KICHA
Face pack.
Aishwarya
Adi kuda poddi. Nuvvu chala apply chesav.
[59] Anudeep, in the row, calm now, the careful man
restored, entirely reassured by his own logic:
Anudeep
Naaku parledu. Rangu poddi le. Vaaram lo.
Anudeep
Biometrics tarvata undi kada.
[60] (⭐ He is right. He is completely right. He is right in
exactly the way Jay warned him about - the colour will go,
the way everything he refuses to hold onto goes. He does
not hear the echo. The reader does.)
[61] Night. Kicha props the phone against the pickle
tumbler and sets a timer for the photograph.
E.X.T. Hyderahbad / on the Road - Day
[62] the Photograph. Full panel: Suraj and Kicha,
comprehensively blue, either side of the Honda Shine like
two Avatar characters at a wedding. Both grinning. Both
destroyed. And in the corner of the frame, unplanned -
Anudeep, one blue ear, refusing to smile, which makes it
the best photograph anyone takes all season.
S.F.X: click.
[63] Kicha wedges it into the bottom corner of the frame on
the wall, half over this week's film poster, where it will
stay through every Friday change for the rest of the
season.
I.N.T./E.X.T. the Building - Night
[64] Wide, from the dark lane. The building. One lit window
on the second floor. One lit window on the top floor. Blue
handprints on the rail, on the doorframe, on the stairs.
Narrator (V.O.)
The colour came off everything in about a
week.
Narrator (V.O.)
Almost everything.
== End Gag - Premium Photo ==
5 panels engine: the challan ⭐ the last end gag of the
season
[G.1] The challan, flat on the table. Officially printed.
₹1,000.
[G.2] The photograph beside it. Both men looking at both
objects.
[G.3]
KICHA
Idi naa life lo best photo ra.
Suraj
Pakka.
[G.4]
KICHA
Dheeniki vey nooru ayindi.
Suraj
(with real satisfaction) Government sponsor
chesindi ra.
[G.5] Wide. The two of them sitting on the floor looking up
at the frame - this week's film, one blue photograph wedged
in the corner, and the challan taped to the wall beside it
like a certificate of authenticity.
== Post-credit Stinger - Handprint ==
4 panels not a joke
I.N.T. Boys H.Q - Night
[S.1] Three days later. Bathroom mirror. Suraj, still
faintly blue at the hairline and the knuckles.
E.X.T. Kopitam - Day
[S.2] Kopitam. Kicha on the bench, still faintly blue. Seth
ji looks at him from behind the counter for exactly one
beat and writes something in the ledger. We do not see the
page.
I.N.T. Boys H.Q - Day
[S.3] The flat. Anudeep at the doorframe with a cloth,
working at a single blue handprint. It is not coming off.
[S.4] Wide. Empty flat. The doorframe. One blue handprint.
Permanent.
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