To Your Beautiful Spirit To Your Own Light

To Your Beautiful Spirit To Your Own Light

Maryam K.

You are the Sacred Eternal Light That light is the key to who you are To let it shine through You need to open the door To your Heart, to look inward This book is a gentle push Towards that door

To Your beautiful spirit To your own light

By Maryam K.

Table of Contents

To the souls whose light led them here,

This is not merely a book. It is {Remembering} A thread of light, Woven from the fabric of my soul, And offered to yours These pages hold not just a story, But a journey— From light, To forgetting, To the long, sacred return If you've ever felt lost in this world... If you've ever carried love too vast to hold... If you've ever wondered where the light went— This is for You My hope is that within these words, You find echoes of your own truth Reflections of your own light And whispers from your own soul Calling you gently, fiercely, Home.

Maryam K.

The Descent

My earliest memory is not of this world It reaches beyond breath, beyond flesh, Before gravity bound me to the weight of a name I belonged to the light We were a multitude— A constellation of luminous beings— United not by form, but by frequency Radiant Ethereal Serene We moved as one through a realm without edges, Untouched by time There was no need for speech Our thoughts wove effortlessly into one another, Our joy resonated with feeling, not sound We floated—or rather, we danced— Through a space so gentle, so tender, It was as if we drifted within the very heart of love I remember my wings— Not feathers or bone, But of shimmering essence I glided through rivers of stillness, Brushing against familiar souls There was no fear, No heaviness Only the exquisite knowledge of absolute belonging

I was Home

And then—I looked down Far below, Like a sapphire veiled in sorrow,

Lay Earth

And from the innermost chamber of my being, A knowing Raw, wild, and undeniable It cleaved through the harmony around me:

"One of my children is suffering"

In that instant that knowing came to me, I was no longer among them There was no farewell

No ritual of decent No deliberation Just a Flash

A folding of space, A surrender to gravity, And then the rupture of separation I Arrived I do not recall the landing Only the weight, Only the silent ache of losing The radiance I once called home Density was pulling me in Earth enveloped me—Thick, turbulent, slow The air was dense The light subdued Everything, heavier And I felt it at once: The loss The distance Weight which pulled me in For a long while, I mourned— Though I had no words for grief I wept for something no one else could name A home I could not describe A presence I missed the way one misses breath

And yet something in my soul A pulse

A thread of the eternal Glow Still woven through the chambers of my heart It whispered in the silence, Thrummed beneath my skin Like a remembered hymn

Love and Compassion

Not learned Not taught But recalled It shaped me Softened me Anchored me in love, Even when the reasons were lost To the world around me As time flew, That Inner voice did not dim It deepened It beckoned me toward pain Not to suffer, But to mend To witness To cradle To love with ferocity that The world had forgotten That cry I first heard The soul in need It was not singular It was a chorus It was us And so, I remained Even when the ache of return Sang through my bones Even when the world grew too harsh, Too loud, too hollow Something sacred Had chosen to live within me And I remembered

I had a Purpose

I did not come to escape the light I came to carry it forward This is the story of that light This is the: Remembering

The Dream

After the descent, The dreams began Night after night, I was falling Not from sky, Not from a cliff, But through something older, deeper, More ancient than either A spiral of darkness, Without origin, Without end I wasn't flying I wasn't floating I was Falling Soundlessly, endlessly Into a depth of unknown It was cold, But not the cold of winter It was silent, But not peaceful It was the space between life And whatever awaits beyond it Each time, I would wake gasping Heart pounding, Hands reaching instinctively for light, Like a soul clawing its way back through the veil This dream stayed with me for many years It did not fade It did not soften It pulsed in my sleep like a hidden wound— A memory cloaked in nightmare And though no one spoke of it until later, I had died I was six months old Too small to walk Too new to speak Too innocent to carry fear And still— I left The doctors had grieved My family had begun to mourn The world had gone quiet around my tiny body But somewhere beyond it... I awakened Drifting again— Back to that luminous realm Where love has no name Because nothing needs to be named Back to the radiant beings I had left behind Back to the peace That exists before form But just before I could settle into that soft, eternal hush, I felt it— Sharp and sudden— A thread tugging hard through my soul:

“The child is still suffering.”

The one I came for. The reason I had said yes to Earth I could feel them— Aching, Wandering, Waiting And so, I turned I Returned Not for myself— But for them I do not remember the re-entry Only the ache Only the deep, wordless knowing That I had chosen to come back The spiral had not been a dream It was a memory A threshold A vow I had crossed into the beyond— And returned with purpose Sealed into the marrow of my bones Not merely to live But to love, Until the hurting stops

From Ether to Earth

And then... I became an Earthling The sky sealed shut behind me, And I was wrapped in weight— This body, this gravity, This aching silence between souls I tried to pour my shimmering essence Into this fragile, dense shell But in this dark plane Where the light is forgotten And the truth is wrapped in ignorance It seemed as if I did not belong A soul too bright for skin A light too vast for blood And it was lonely here I looked around, searching— But saw no one who remembered The place I came from No one who spoke in frequency No one who sang in light

I was Lost

No wings No stars No radiant companions drifting beside me Just this world— Loud, heavy, Asking me to forget But I did not forget I could not So, I made a promise to myself— A quiet, fierce vow Spoken in the language of gold: “I will keep my heart clear Reflective Pure Shining Even here, Where souls are blind to their own light” That heart—my golden eternal compass— Was all I had The only light that could lead me home, One day, Back to my shimmering existence It lit the path when everything else turned dark.

And though the road was steep, And though it cost me peace and comfort, And sometimes even love— I hold the light That sacred flame My Soulfire, On There were sacrifices So many Parts of me left behind So others could carry on Heartbreaks I endured So I can be the lantern, for other souls

For my Suffering Children here Tears that watered unseen roots In soil no one else could read

But I did not turn Bitter I laughed— Not because life was easy, But because laughter was my rebellion Against despair I helped others Even when I couldn't help myself Spoke peace While holding a storm inside Held space While my own soul begged for shelter I kept my heart Pure Vibrant Golden Sacred Not untouched— Not Unbroken But Graceful Divine Because this is who I am.

Not merely an Earthling—But a traveler from Divine Light, Choosing—time and again—To shine, to carry Love Even when the world forgets What this Soul Flame is

Magic of Words

Then, I began to speak Not just in words, But in Truth From a young age, My voice emerged soaked in wisdom— Not learned, But remembered I was enchanted by words— Not just their sound, But their vibration Their power to shape space, To lift To break To mend I played with poetry Language became my first magic I spoke of softness, Of compassion, Of loving without fear I could feel when they bruise I could feel when they heal I invited others into the warmth— Into a life where gentleness and strength Were not opposites, But Companions I opened small pathways Where light could flow Carved quiet doorways through darkness Using nothing but my voice But I hadn't yet understood How lost the world truly was They could not see What I was pointing toward Their eyes were fixed on shallow victories, On fleeting trophies, On the clamor of competition The constant fear Of being invisible While I offered them peace, They took it as weakness While I embodied ease, They mistook it for naivety And while I stood barefoot in the field— Arms wide, heart open— They sharpened their edges, Made of their own fears Ready to attack That beautiful unknown brightness, They feared the most

I didn't Understand

How could Light Make people so uncomfortable? How could Kindness Feel like a threat?

I was Bewildered Confused Where is this place? where, Light is neglected,

Real beauty is feared And gentleness rejected

Nothing was whole Not love Not trust Not dreams In the middle of the confusion,

There,

There was my father... My father was a quiet lantern in the fog. He spoke to me not as a child, But as a Soul He didn't have all the answers But he had questions— Good ones When I began reading books at seven, He sat beside me Not to teach— at to wonder together in the land of stories He asked what I thought of the characters Why they made the choices they did What their hearts were trying to say That simple act— The asking— Taught me more than any lesson.

It gave me a new kind of vision. To see not just actions but Intentions, Feelings behind the intentions Conflict between Heart and Mind To look beyond anger And glimpse of the grief beneath it To sense fear Where cruelty wore its mask I began to understand: The human Heart is a tangled place From this, I learned that Patience and Compassion, weren't just soft— But sharp Sharp enough to hold sorrow Without dissolving into it Yet, soft enough to touch the soul Still, The world pushed back I stood as a vessel of Divine Spark, Offering a map To a gentler existence And they mistook it for fragility They looked for cracks They wanted me to bleed And maybe I did— A little But I never stopped.

The Rule That Carved Me

There was something my father once told me— A truth so simple Like a cliché to some But to me, It was life changing “Never do to others what you wouldn't want to be done to you.”

He said it when I was still small— When my hands hadn't yet held the weight of the world, And my heart was still wide open But those words didn't just settle into my ears. They etched themselves Into the soft edge of my soul It was like a hymn to my existence An echo of what I already knew Something so familiar, yet new I wasn't aware of all places It will show up in my mind In my life

But I felt it would change my life Profoundly

And I took it seriously Perhaps too seriously Because even when others mistreated me—Laughed at me, Lied to me, Betrayed me— I could not retaliate Not out of weakness But out of devotion I feared becoming someone who adds harm To a world already aching I feared placing pain into another's heart, Having it echo back into mine I didn't want to leave fingerprints on souls The way others had left bruises on mine So, I remained soft I let the bitterness dissolve inside me— Slowly, like salt in water Even when my voice trembled, I chose kindness Even when I wept in silence, I chose not to harden Because that one sentence— That one quiet teaching— Kept my heart from closing It became my compass When the world confused me. The thread I followed When love felt distant or lost It was the reason I could not hate Those who tried to make me feel, Unworthy, unloved, alone And even now, I wonder: How different would the world be, If we all remembered not only what we deserve— But what we give?

Whatever we give to the world Will echo hundred folds back to us My father didn't always know How to love me In the way my soul needed But in that single lesson, He offered the deepest love of all— A way to remain pure In a world that so easily forgets how

The Forgotten Light

But Earth wasn't finished with me yet This place— So dense, so dazzling, So devastating in its beauty— Held more chaos than I was prepared to bear Even though I arrived With the eternal flame in my chest And love cupped gently in my hands, Life kept offering me shadows I had always shared a deep bond with my father He was my teacher, My mirror, My steady anchor in the tides of childhood But then the winds of hardship Swept through our lives He lost everything And then... he left He didn't die He disappeared He abandoned us And in his absence, The air turned colder around my spirit The warmth of our connection Hollowed into a wound— A sharp, aching emptiness Pressed tight against the ribs of my hope

I was Devastated

But I didn't have the luxury to fall apart Because when someone leaves, Someone else must stay I was in my teens.

Sweet teen years, as they call it But mine was Bitter—Hollow The sharp taste of growing up too soon, Of shouldering burdens too heavy For hands still learning how to hold At home, things were fragile My family wore their pain Like coats worn too long—Threadbare, inherited, familiar We improvised We stitched together plans With frayed threads of strength We turned survival into a Quiet performance of Resilience I went to work to help pay the rent. And in some ways, it felt good— To contribute, To lift the weight off my family's back, If only a little I was proud And I was broken The questions bloomed Like thorns in my chest: How could this happen? Why did he leave? Didn't he love me? Was it me?

Had I done something wrong? Did I deserve this kind of pain?

And somewhere, amid all the noise—The questions, the silence, the ache—The dreams I once carried began to fade The memories The promises I made before I came here The soul knowing I had brought with me

I Forgot

I forgot that I came here for love I forgot that I was the light, Not the one waiting for it I forgot I was meant to guide, Not merely to survive I forgot who I was Not forever— But long enough For the world to begin rewriting me Long enough to Believe that silence was my fault Long enough to Wonder if my golden heart Had dimmed too far to

Ever be found again

But even in forgetting... That Celestial ember still glowed Buried— Beneath pain, Beneath pressure, Beneath the quiet ache of Holding everything together

But it Waited

Because Eternal Light of the Soul Does not die. It only goes quiet— Until you are ready To Remember Again.

It longs for you To come back, In silence, Watching over you, From deep Within

The Spiral of Endurance

In the dark moments of pain and agony, It was the same Spiral The one I dreamed as a child— Endless, bottomless Only this time, It wasn't a dream This was Real The falling stretched across years Each day, a slow descent Each night, a silent plea More missing moments More silence, Where Love should have lived More weight placed on my shoulders Still learning how to carry their own weight Yes, we grew— But not like seeds in sunlight We grew like trees in famine—Roots twisted around stone, Stretching upward Without breaking from within The hardship was so tough, We buried our feelings Just to hear ourselves think We hide our light— Not because it had vanished, But because it felt dangerous To shine too brightly

In a world that admires Darkness

Because here, on this Earth, Worth is measured in currency, Not compassion, nor light In status, Not soul In pleasure, Not purity Your inner light doesn't pay the rent It doesn't fill the fridge It doesn't soften landlords Or silence the hunger So, we lost years Not wasted— Never wasted But buried Hidden beneath The weight of survival Dulled not by choice, But by necessity And still— I did not let That Shimmering Essence dies I kept it lit Glowing through, The cracks on my Broken Heart. Held it high Even when my hands trembled. Even when I was tired of being the light For everyone And somehow— Through the spiral, Through the silence, Through the forgetting—

I Gave

I Shared that Sacred Flame with others Freely Fiercely Softly I lit candles in the dark Even when no one Lit one for me And you know what? I am proud of myself Not because I was unbreakable But because I was broken— Yet chose to shine, Like Northern Star For others to find the road If not for myself I didn't lose that Pulse of the Divine I wore it for others,

Shining toward them But not on myself, Not inward Divine Pulse

I was lost— And yet, somehow, still strong Carrying burdens far too heavy For someone my age Holding the fort for my family, For my younger siblings, For the fragile pieces of life That had cracked and scattered Yet something Sacred Burning, Shining Inside me Like the Sun It blazed quietly through my eyes, So clearly that strangers could feel it In my presence, even before I spoke Even in exhaustion, Even beneath the weight of sorrow, I was lifted— Not in grand, triumphant moments, But in quiet, nearly invisible ways The way my feet kept moving When my heart felt too heavy to rise Was from the flame inside The way I showed up— For others, For broken things, For silence that needed holding.

No one taught me how to do that It came from somewhere ancient, Buried deep within— Like a memory my body never forgot I sensed pain Before people could speak it I felt emotions like weather By the presence of, That Radiant seed Celestial flame Divine Spark Even when I was tired Even when I felt forgotten Something in me kept choosing Love, Compassion, Empathy Choosing the gentle, caring path Wasn't always understood Often it wasn't even seen But I stayed soft-hearted There were nights I wept in silence— Tears spilled just to unburden The pressure of carrying so much Unspoken feelings I was floating through the deep sea of life, Weathering its tantrums— Surviving only by a thread of light Glowing quietly within me That flame pulled me inward It drew me toward stillness, Toward self-discovery, Toward a sense of peace and harmony That wasn't taught—only found And it led me to writing I wrote on scraps of paper, In notebooks, On anything I could find Poems, thoughts, buried emotions Spilled from me like floodwater Breaking through a long-closed dam Looking back, I see now— It was emotional artistry, my writing A quiet, sacred expression Trying to live through me My work was admired By whoever reads them They were shocked by Finding my deeper side, The side which never showed on Surface The side of my inner struggles The side of deep emotions breaking out of my chest The side of Light and Grace within Often with an awe But the effect never lasted for them Because they couldn't feel Where those words came from They hadn't traveled through The depths of eternal love They couldn't stay in that kind of Truth Some wanted more And I gave— Because giving is my Nature But their fascination was rooted in need, Not in knowing And those connections burned me Left my Soul Bruised They took from me— But they could not see me And I grew lonelier More misunderstood I couldn't make them see Their own light, Their own beauty, The unity of all things

I Withdrew

I fell into silence No real connection— Or none that reached the depth I needed And yet... My heart stayed open My Luminous Core Still carrying that Soulfire That's when He appeared in my path

Soul Connection

He had heard about me through mutual friends He came out of curiosity, Not knowing what he was stepping into But when we met— My soul recognized him That inner flame re-ignited There was joy in his presence Unbelievable Joy Like the joy of my old, Shimmering friends The ones from before this life Had we been Lovers In that realm of Radiant Souls I still believe we were He came at the perfect moment My light needed lifting My life was in chaos— A battle between my earthly existence And my higher self And somehow, His presence made anything feel possible I fell in love— Not just with a person, But with a Soul A soul I had known A soul I could See He felt like an extension of my own being His emotions moved through me Like blood in my veins It was love— But also something beyond love It was Existence Within Light It was Home I was over the moon Held in a soul connection So deep, So rare, Most only dream of touching it But a connection like that Can be terrifying— Especially to a self, Shaped by Fear, Stranded in Ego He was drawn to me, Deeply But he couldn't stay His persona— His earthly form— His ego Couldn't hold What his Soul remembered And though he returned time after time Each time more in love, More moved, More undone— He could never Stay Something kept pulling him away From the very light That made him feel Whole Maybe he was here for a different reason, Different experiences, Different paths of light, Apart from falling in love with me His path was to Leave And we danced For nearly twelve years Coming together, Breaking apart Loving, Hurting, Longing, Remembering We broke each other's hearts— Not from cruelty, But from not knowing How to hold something so Vast In a world so fragile.

But the last time... He left And my pure, in love heart shattered Again, Forcefully The heart that had held my eternal light, That had stayed soft through every storm, Was broken— Utterly— And I plummeted into darkness, Once again. Not just sadness— But soul-deep silence A descent into grief, And the quiet echo of love That still glowed— Somewhere, Deep beneath the ruin

Ashes and Embers

I descended in silence From the highest height— Of love, Of grace, Of light, Of eternity And I crumbled hard Not like a stumble— But like a star Collapsing in on itself Something once radiant Shattered against The weight of this world All my bones were broken, My soul exploded Lost my wings of light — Those sacred wings That once carried me Through realms of peace and knowing— Lay crumpled at my feet I didn't even have the strength to stand There was no fight left in me No light No voice Only the echo of what had been The connection I once believed eternal Had ended in silence And I was left in the wreckage Not just heartbroken— But Soul-Broken This was not mere grief This was death A Hell Fire And I was the Ash I fell into darkness— Not the poetic kind, Not the quiet night of a soul seeking stars— But the kind that swallows everything The silence was thick Too thick for words Too thick even for prayer I lost my hope I lost my trust I stopped believing in love— At least not here Not in this world The light I once carried so freely, The one that sat in my chest, Was gone And everything around me Turned dark Not peaceful darkness— But suffocating, Tight, Like being buried alive I couldn't move Couldn't reach Couldn't cry I became a shadow in existence Still here,

Not living

Just drifting— A faint echo Of who I had once been I watched life continue around me, But I was no longer part of its rhythm Detached from meaning, Direction, From myself And yet... Something in me Still Radiated with a blaze Even then Even there That love— Not the kind that clings or begs, But the kind that is— Survived

Quiet

Enduring

Like an ember buried in ash, Still burning Underneath the ruins Still sacred

I didn't understand

How fire could live without air How a heart could keep beating After being shattered in so many ways But it did Even when I didn't believe in it, It believed in me Even when I couldn't see it, Because I was soul blind And still Somewhere beneath the numbness, The ember remained Small Flickering Impossible But Alive

An Ocean Away

Then came the Great Move The Immigration A crossing— Not just of geography, But of identity, Of time, Of soul We were meant to do it together That was the dream A shared future A new beginning But he left Before it began He abandoned Not just the plan— But Me And I crossed the threshold Alone One suitcase One soul, Held together by ash and memory No guide No anchor Just the echo of what could have been And the quiet ache of Separation It wasn't just a change of place It was a rupture The final fracture In the foundation of U.S. He walked out of the story— And I was left To finish the sentence Alone I did I moved Twelve thousand miles away To a new country I knew nothing about No roots No roadmap ust me— And whatever was left After everything had fallen apart.

I started from scratch.

New language New rhythm New sky The grief traveled with me— Pressed into the seams of my being But something else came too My Celestial Spark My Radian Core My Divine Flame Not blazing. Not announcing itself Just there— Quiet, Patient, Waiting I couldn't see it most days But I could feel it A pulse beneath the fear A whisper inside the noise It didn't ask me to be strong It asked me to keep going I did My light switched into survival mode Not the hardened kind Not the cold armor that forgets softness

No

Mine survived with kindness With love I don't know how I truly don't My heart was broken I was deep in the dark I could barely hold myself together I needed to step back Not to escape But to Remember I knew I had to find my light again Before I could offer it to the world I withdrew into my sanctum— A quiet refuge carved from solitude A sacred pause A deliberate retreat I sought silence over noise, Presence over performance. Soul-searching Truth-seeking A longing to rediscover The light within I stepped back from gatherings, Declined conversations that lacked depth, Released the weight of obligatory meetings The world continued its rhythm— But I chose stillness I needed time Time to listen inward Time to remember who I was Beneath the despair and pain Funny thing is— No one understood me They called me anti-social Withdrawn Hard to reach But what good could I do for the world If I wasn't first true to myself?

If I had lost my center, My Grace, My Majestic Essence?

I didn't want to become another lost soul— Chasing noise and numbness, Drowning in greed and distraction, Forgetting what matters And I refused— Utterly refused— To show up as anything Less than my truest self Even if it meant being misunderstood Even if it meant being alone Because I hadn't come here to follow the crowd I had come to bring something different And first, I had to reclaim it

The Depth of Darkness

In the darkness I was in, I met the Real darkness Not a passing mood, Not melancholy Wrapped in poetic metaphor— But a vast, consuming force It felt like a monster Ancient. Enormous Pressing against my chest, Breathing down my neck, Watching me From within I was on the ground— Not metaphorically, But spiritually flattened

Digging Clawing

Trying to find some way up, Some way out From beneath the heavy layers of sadness, Despair, and guilt That clung to me like chains The world gave me names: “Deeply depressed.” “Highly anxious” “Disconnected” And maybe I was But what no diagnosis could see— What no label could define— Was the War happening inside My Anger My Guilt My Shame They weren't just emotions They were Weapons And they were turned against me Against my soft, luminous, Loving existence I was at war with myself And it was brutal I lost Sleep I lost Peace I lost Time My nervous system shook As if it was hunted My body ached from tension that never left My breath was shallow My thoughts— Sharp as shattered glass This was not grief This was self-destruction From inside out I was losing the war There were moments I truly believed I had to die Not in body— But in spirit Something inside me Had reached its edge I couldn't keep living As who I had become I didn't yet have the words I didn't know this was a sacred death—The kind that clears space For something truer to emerge All I knew was the struggle The frustration The gnawing, Relentless dissatisfaction With myself, With life, With everything I was Angry So angry At what had happened At who I had become At how fragile and helpless I felt I couldn't yet see the truth That the version of me shaped by sorrow, Pleasing, Surviving Was not meant to survive this fire I wasn't being destroyed I was being Remade But in the thick of it, Nothing felt spiritual Nothing felt divine It felt like drowning in mud Like being betrayed By my own body and mind I couldn't see the light I couldn't see the meaning I was just... Struggling Falling apart And furious That I couldn't hold it together anymore I struggled for ten years Ten years of inner war Ten years of surviving in shadows Ten years of wondering,

If I would ever return to who I once was— Or become someone I'd never been

And yet...

Through it all, My essence Never fully went out Somehow, It kept me sharp Aware Present Just enough To push me forward One step at a time Even when my heart Had no strength left And my soul— luminous, unshaken soul— Was still there Bruised and battered

But Here

I could see her Not always in my life, But always in the mirror She looked back at me Through my own eyes, Like a quiet guardian Hiding in plain sight Every morning, In the tired hush before the world awoke, She met my gaze— And without words, She whispered: “You're not done.” “You're still here.” “There's more ahead— More than you can yet imagine.”

And somehow, I believed her Even in pain, I leaned on her light She became my compass My silent companion A flicker of the future self I haven't met yet— Who was already walking beside me She gave me strength I didn't understand Glimpses of joy That haven't arrived yet And courage To trust the universe Even when I couldn't feel it holding me So, I did. I trusted her— That quiet, Radiant presence within Even when the road ahead was unclear Even when it was hard Even when I had no proof That anything would ever change

I trusted anyway

Because something in her voice Was older than fear, Wiser than despair And then— One day, Out of sheer desperation, Searching for anything That might help me breathe again— I was guided To energy healing I didn't know what I was seeking Only that my soul was still in battle, and I needed something— anything— To bring balance To soothe the war To call me back to harmony It wasn't logic that led me It was surrender It was intuition It was the universe— Or her— Turning a new page A new leaf A quiet beginning, Hidden at the edge of my unraveling And I followed

The Gentle Shift

I found a place near me Offering Hawaiian healing

I didn't know much about it— Only that something deep within me whispered:

Go

Just two sessions That's all But the energy... It was Soft And Swift Like a warm breeze Moving through A room long sealed shut Something shifted Not loud Not dramatic But Divine A part of me stirred A layer loosened Like something ancient inside me Recognized that rhythm, That touch, That frequency I liked it I wanted more But life... Timing... Maybe even fear— Kept me from going back Still, those two sessions stayed with me Like a gentle fingerprint of healing Pressed softly into my spirit It didn't fix everything But opened a window— Just enough to let the light shine through

A year passed

The sessions faded into memory, But the resonance remained Buried, perhaps— But not lost Then, seemingly out of nowhere, His name began echoing in my mind Softly at first Then more often More clearly Not a thought— A Calling So, I listened I picked up the phone Called him I didn't know what I would say Only that I had to reach out We met again Same space Same quiet energy Same calm And then, without thought or planning, The words came— Not from my mouth, But from that deeper place within:

“The universe pushed me toward you,”

I said:

“If you ever need help, or just want to talk... I'm here”

Even I was surprised But the voice that had once Whispered through years of silence Had finally become My Voice That moment Was the beginning of a new chapter A gentle turning The first true step Out of the dark Not because he saved me— But because something in me Had chosen to show up To speak. To connect And that... Was everything He was intuitive Not in performance— But in presence Truly, deeply connected To the real realms of energy and light You could feel it in the silence he carried— A stillness, A listening That went beyond words.

He heard frequency, Not just sound Every conversation felt aligned Unscripted But meaningful Each interaction moved something Opened something Revealed something We began to share ideas Not just about healing ourselves— But about healing others The kind of healing that ripples outward. That touches not just one life— But many Millions, he said That was his vision And for the first time in What felt like a lifetime, I leaned in Not to pain Not to survival But to something Greater, Sacred Together, we began planting seeds Ideas laced with light With service With the intention To help people remember Who they truly are It wasn't about ego It was about energy About returning to the truth That lives beneath the noise And I realized— This wasn't just a new chapter This was a Return To the reason I came here To the purpose I had almost forgotten He became a Mirror An energetic reflection Of my true self Each time we spoke, A great mirror rose between us— And there I was Not the broken one Not the grieving one Not the one surviving the darkness

But Me

The Luminous Soul The Winged, Radiant, Eternal Flame— The one I had carried all along But forgotten how to be And this time... She was even more luminous Softer Wiser Taller Like hundred suns Rising from within my chest There was no denying it I have Returned Not just to my soul— But to a deeper, More expanded truth Of who I had always been And the gentle shift I once barely felt... Had become a sacred opening.

A Reunion

Of my Soul and Heart

A new beginning— Lit from within

Living Light

Since I saw myself again— Since that radiant mirror Reflected who I truly was— I began moving through stages At first, My connection to the light Was momentary Fleeting I would feel it— A sudden rush of joy, A breath of clarity— And then it would vanish Sadness would return Familiar heaviness Would settle in again It was as if I had to sit close to the flame Just to feel its warmth— And the moment I stepped away, The glow disappeared But I kept practicing Kept showing up Kept whispering to myself, You saw it once. You'll see it again And I did With time— Perhaps months— The glimpses grew stronger The light no longer felt far away It began to feel like Me I stopped reaching for it And started remembering That I belonged to it I began to see myself in the light— Not as something outside of it, But as part of it I was the Light I began to see Each heartbreak— Each sacred shattering It was not a curse, It was not a breaking point It was not a holding up In my path of happiness But a blessing in disguise It was the breaking of the hardened shell That had grown around my light Every crack Let the light spill through Every fracture Carved a new opening And each time, My light emerged brighter, Truer—less contained What once felt like ruin It was in truth, a revealing A deepening With every fall, I rose with more of myself remembered The pain did not diminish me It refined me And in that refinement, New power was born— Not the power to dominate, But the quiet strength to radiate My light was no longer just mine It had become something ancient and eternal— A pulse of the Celestial Flame, Glowing through the wounds Patterns revealed themselves Ways I had dimmed my joy Ways I had shrunk to fit into spaces That could never hold my soul. Ways I had forgotten who I was There were still missing pieces— Aspects of me yet to return— But the more I remained with the light, The clearer the picture became And then... Something shifted I began to understand things—But not with my mind This was a different kind of knowing Not analytical Not intellectual It came through my heart Through my soul Through imagination It wasn't thought It was remembering An Embodied Truth A Living Wisdom It wasn't about learning anymore It was about Becoming I began to realize— Love, compassion, and gratitude Aren't fleeting emotions.

They are States of Being Not reactions Not moods But frequencies— Entire ecosystems of existence When I was in love— Not just with a person, But with Life itself— My whole body responded Every cell pulsed with that frequency Every breath, every glance, Every sound around me Seemed to join in the song Compassion became More than something I offered It became something I Was.

My presence softened My energy held space Without needing words Gratitude, too, transformed I didn't need to list reasons to be thankful— I was Gratitude My being, My breath, My steps— All part of the Rhythm It was as if I had become an instrument, And the Universe was playing me In the key of Grace These were not moods They were attunements Tuning forks for the Soul And the more I aligned myself, The more universe responded The more I lived in love, The more love began to live through me

My Eureka Moment

Then came a Eureka moment— A clear, resonant bell ringing Through my entire being.

I saw it:

To truly live as light, I had to release Everything that clouded it I began to forgive and release Not just in thought, But in energy In Light In body In breath I forgave Those who hurt me The ones who left The ones who couldn't show love The ones who didn't show Mercy, compassion The ones who never truly saw me I practiced forgiveness like a sacred ritual— Daily, Deliberate, Tender We had a prayer— A simple, powerful offering From the Hawaiian healer I listened to it three, four times a day Each time, It brought me closer to softness Closer to Purity Closer to Freedom In that state, I could finally See I witnessed people hurting each other— Not out of cruelty, But from fear Fear of loss Fear of being unseen Fear of not being enough And when I could see The fear beneath the harm, Forgiveness became easier I could let go I could stop carrying What was never mine to begin with And then, I turned that clarity inward I saw where My Own choices Had come from fear— Where I grasped, Where I protected, Where I reacted And how those moments Had shaped me So, I made a vow:

I would no longer accept anything in my life that was rooted in fear No thought. No decision.

No relationship. No identity.

If it didn't arise from love, Has no place in my becoming This wasn't an easy phase Even as I lived more in the light, I was not yet of it.

I still distracted myself Still slipped into old rhythms Still heard the echoes of what had been But now, I do not walk alone My inner voice Become my companion Still Steady Loving It gave me insight It led me gently It reminded me— Even when I forgot— That I was walking home After months of listening, Praying, Forgiving— I had released so much.

And yet... Something lingered. Something tight. Hidden. Unfinished Then, in a quiet flash of clarity, The voice spoke again— Not from beyond, But from within:

“You need to forgive yourself” “And begin to love yourself”

The words landed like lightning Tears came— Not of sorrow, But of truth Not because it was hard to hear— But because it was finally spoken And I realized: I didn't know how I had been trying to forgive a self I hadn't truly found So began a new journey Not outward But inward Into the forgotten corners Into the abandoned rooms Into the younger self I had silenced Into the radiant essence I had hidden away This was not recovery It was remembering Not repair But Reclaiming Reclaiming the one I had always been—But has been too wounded, Too busy,

Too unsure To Love

And so, Standing in the glow Of all I had healed, I saw the next path clearly It wasn't another mountain to climb Not another wound to mend It was a door— Leading inward To the heart of who I am To the self I once abandoned And was now ready to meet Forgiveness had cleared the air Love had begun to bloom But the deepest light— The one meant just for me— Still waited And I... Was ready to find it To Find Her To Find Me

Finding My Essence

To forgive myself, I first had to find myself And to do that— I had to look back Not glance Not flinch But truly look I had to review my life With open eyes And open heart To see when and where I had ignored my light Where I had broken the thread. Where I had abandoned myself— To Survive, To Belong, To be Loved At first, I couldn't Or maybe I wouldn't The fear was deep So deep it had begun to feel Like part of my identity I didn't want to relive the pain— The loneliness, The heartbreaks, The despair Those memories felt heavier Than the gravity of this world Denser than the breath in my lungs But then I remembered the vow— “Not to let fear rule me” I honored the vow

And I dove in

Not to suffer again— But to Reclaim What I had left behind Each memory I revisited Was a shard of my soul, Buried in time, Waiting to be held, Seen, Forgiven.

Every day, I called up a new moment— Let it rise like a wave, Not to drown me, But to offer me a chance To meet myself there With Compassion Each memory held a version of me— Younger, softer, Hurting, Doing the best she could And I forgave Myself. Others. Over and over again Some events passed gently— Old misunderstandings, Wounds time had already softened But others... Others still lived in my nervous system Etched in invisible scars Curled in the corners of my heart Forgiveness, I learned, Is among the hardest And most sacred states of being To truly Forgive, I had to let those emotions rise— As if they were happening now And in the very peak of pain—In the surge of sadness, anger, betrayal—I had to pause And see the soul Not a villain. Not a memory But a soul— Caught in its own fear And from that place— Soul to soul— I let go I chose to love I chose oneness I rewrote the moment In Light And when the forgiveness landed— Really landed— I felt it The weight lifted The air cleared My heart exhaled I felt free

Light

Untethered Like a bird, Newly Released 100

Self-Forgiveness

Forgiving Myself Was the most Emotional of all I saw myself— Not the face in the mirror, But the soul behind it A beautiful, radiant being—Still holding traces of starlight But bruised Neglected Exhausted From years of giving too much And receiving too little I had hurt myself In ways I hadn't fully seen In trying to help, To heal, To hold space for others, I had pushed myself aside Again and again So, others could shine So others could feel safe So others could take from my light And I had forgotten To offer any of it To Me When I looked into my soul, I felt shame Not for what I had done— But for what I had not done I had denied myself The very things I gave so freely to others:

Love, Grace, Compassion, Light And my heart broke I cried in a way I didn't know was possible Not surface tears— But something deeper A soul-cry I didn't know how to apologize Didn't know what words Could possibly be enough.

Time stopped. I was motionless Speechless Just there— In the stillness— Holding the ache Of everything I had ignored And somewhere in that silence... The healing began

Reclaiming My Own Light

In mid of the sobbing, In the depth of shame and sorrow So thick I could barely breathe— Something in me Broke open In the Right Direction And I began to ask for forgiveness Not from others From Me With trembling breath, I whispered into the hollow places:

I'm so sorry I didn't know I didn't mean to leave you behind I see you now Please forgive me It wasn't instant It wasn't clean It took days Maybe longer Days of crying Breathing Holding space For the parts of me That had never been held But slowly...

The burden lessened. The tightness in my chest softened The storm began to settle.

And I felt something returned My light My Grace My Shimmering Essence Not in a sudden blaze— But in soft waves Moments of stillness Flickers of peace Whispers of home I felt myself Gathering again Not fully Not yet But enough to know:

I was coming back

Back to breath Back to presence Back to the eternal light That had always lived in me And though I'm still on the path— Still healing, Still listening— I know now:

I am Worthy

Worthy of my own compassion Worthy of my own love Worthy of my own light And then— As if life wanted to reflect

My healing back to me— Something small caught my attention

My neighbor's plant It was struggling Wilted Barely holding on

But something in it looked familiar

So, I leaned in I began to care for it Just a little Water Light Gentle words I spoke to it The way I had begun to speak to myself— Tender, Hopeful, Patient And slowly...

It began to change New leaves New life A soft resurrection People noticed Some even brought me Their flowers to help Without planning it, I had become a caretaker— Not just of greenery, But of Energy

I realized:

As I was healing myself, Life around me responded

Because we are not separate

Every thought, Every touch, Every intention Affects the whole We are part of a living unity And when we return to our light, Even the quiet things— The plants, The people, The world itself— Begin to glow with us

Be the Light You Seek

In the path I passed through— With all its highs and lows, Its unraveling and rebirth, Its silence, ache, and grace— I came to know something profound:

Never lose your light Never lose your compass Never lose love Never lose compassion These are not just virtues They are soul-guides, Soft torches in the night, The sacred threads that lead us back When the road disappears And remember—especially in the hard times: You are not falling apart, You are breaking a shell Your heart is making room for a brighter light to emerge Hardships carry a lesson— A light hidden within Pay attention Look closer There is a flame in the center of sorrow, And when you find it, It will lift the weight of sadness and despair. It will remind you: You were never Alone This book was written in trust, In surrender, In the humble knowing that pain and beauty Are often the same doorway To you, dear soul reading these final lines: You are the light you've been seeking Even when you forget. Even when it hurts. Let love and compassion lead you back— Back to your original state of being: Unlimited, peaceful, and abundant I offer these words with open hands Not as answers, But as reflections of the path. What I have remembered, You will too And now, I release this work into the world— With reverence, With quiet joy, And with the deep knowing that:

All things given in love Return in love And every ending Is just the soft breath Before the next beginning

Last Words To my dear readers

This book carries the magic of soul and light. Each word is laced with presence, Written under the laws of the unseen— Where energy moves before form One of the most sacred, And most forgotten truths is this:

Giving is Gaining

If these pages have stirred something in you— If they've brought you back to yourself, Or opened a door you had long forgotten— Then let the magic continue Give Share Because light doesn't diminish when passed on It expands. It sings. It multiplies.

This is how we keep The circle of life and light turning— Not through ownership, But through offering From my soul to yours, Thank you for walking this journey with me And may you never again forget: you are the light you've been searching for With love and radiance Maryam K.