Dear Starlets

Dear Starlets

Audio by Paper2Audio

Dear Starlets

How can I be better than someone else? aren't we all suppose to be equal and treat each other with kindness and respect and achieve world peace or something like that?

This came about in my mind simply because I have gone through a few breakups that I can't seem to forget. One was friendship, my best friend who no longer is. I won't go into details or tell you about the ugly words said that have settled now. I will, however, share what it has brought about in my mind. The other being a relationship over the course of a year that ended mutually but hurt more than I imagined it would.

When you break up with anyone, I think, there's this feeling of wanting to do better than those who hurt us. The person who was once hyping you up and shining light now is bringing you down or holding you in place, this urge grows and it demands to be felt. The urge to be happier faster than them, to be doing better quicker than them, to seem so carefree about the hurt it seems like nothing ever happened. Why? Why do we feel the need to be better, and what truly determines who is 'better' does that really exist? Are there any clear winners?

I want to get the obvious out of the way first. If someone has truly hurt you or is a shitty person who hurts and causes pain and is violent, then yeah, I think if you're the person who isn't causing harm and violence, then yes, you are better. I'm not talking about obvious in this entry of mine. I'm talking about the more complex nature that requires you to look twice at the relationship because you know that you're both good people, but maybe you both made mistakes, maybe only one of you made mistakes. i want to dive into the grey areas of life where not everything we experience is black and white and has a clear, clean cut answer.

so that brings me back to my topic. the first thing when trying to prove your betterment to anyone is making that social media post to signal to friends and family that you're doing great without them. You never needed them in your life you simply chose to have them around, they never knew you, right? So maybe we post that picture of us having a great time in some place or around so many other people. How much truth does a post like that hold when the truth is they did know you, sometimes they knew you better than you knew yourself, they still have seen parts of you that you didn't think about, the way your nose scrunches and the way you snore at every sleepover, they knew you, they saw you and a post of one being happy doesn't change that. it might feel good to feel like you can one up them in this sick game of " who can feel better the quickest," but after the post is done getting likes, the feeling remains.

Next is trying to heal, we cry and get angry and maybe this is the part when you dye your hair and try to make yourself feel like a new person again. Anything to feel good again. if in the healing process we fail to actually work through our emotions, then we will always be running or trying to change something. This is where stillness comes in. Instead of chasing some type of physical validation or need to fulfill the urges of being better than the ones that hurt us, we need to sit.

Stop and sit with the uncomfortable feeling that you will continue your life and they will there's, no matter who is better. it simply doesn't matter, it doesn't exist because this person, whoever they are, they aren't there anymore, and the silence reminds us that it's just us. the silence reminds you that in order to be better you should do better but not because of them and trying to prove a point, because if it's just us now without them then you should focus on what can make you feel good without them. Dive into that unknown territory of ourselves, and it sounds scary, but you did it before. There was once a time where you didn't know who they were and they hadn't entered your life yet. Now that they're gone, you get another opportunity to meet someone amazing all over again.

Being petty and spiteful won't bring about happiness, let them live because you're living too.

Being better than the other person doesn't exist, but when we put ourselves first and make moves towards the future and developing an equally good life without them, you win. You win by your own hand, not theirs.

I don't want to get it twisted, these thoughts have not only come about because of my breakup but only just general relationship types and how others live their lives after such major things happen.

situations:

Natalie Nunn did people dirty, there's people who don't like her, yet she's still has money and keeps living her life with boyfriends and friends and other baddies. so is she better because she has more money, or because she continues to live her life. neither only your definition of success matters, so just live your life because she's living hers. My sisters fallout with her high school friends, they both said some things, but is one girl better than the other, or are they kids still learning about friendship? Who wins when you're both learning and think you're right?

Life moves on, with both girls thinking they were right, so it doesn't matter because time passes and life continues, they'll both make other friends that suit their personalities better. If your ex-boyfriend gets into another relationship before you does that mean they win? Maybe you're both just living life and doing what you feel is best for you, and isn't that how it's supposed to be? If you're told getting pregnant as a teen is the worst possible thing and it happens to your friend but not you, does that make you better than them?

It makes you more mindful and aware maybe even more knowledgeable, something she might not know or needs to learn. It doesn't make you better, it's a difference in situation.

So maybe better isn't the priority and life will move on and the truth is only time can tell if someone is truly going to do better than the other. The important thing is to eventually, when you're ready, get up and become better within the eyes of yourself and let time and the universe decide how the other person's life will go. At some point, it won't matter because you'll be happy living your own amazing life. It'll always be about you make sure that's a good thing.

xo

the divine diva ꨄ︎

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